Day #4/ Effective Anger Management:
This has been my hardest post to write about. In the last week I have fallen & broke my knee. Fractured my thumb n hand, re fractured 2 ribs, and probably the worst of all was my ego- it was shattered, shamed, embarrassed, bruised, and my frustration & anger level was higher than numbers go on a scale. Who am I to write about anger management when I’m lashing out at the whole world?
I read that many people faced with an anger problem, can be from the cause of early trauma or events in a person’s life that have shaped their personality. In some cases, hormonal changes can also cause anger, as can certain mental disorders become exasperated.
When life doesn’t go your way, take an emotional breather to manage your stress. Why when I tried to do this is didn’t work? It’s cause everything can be done better from a relaxed state.
Psychologists propose that there are simple coping strategies that everyone can practice to reduce their stresses from these everyday hassles. In problem-focused coping, you attempt to change a fixable situation that is causing the stress. When your computer dies, you go through some basic trouble-shooting steps or find a number to call for tech support. Your necklace breaks, and instead of throwing it out, you see if you can restore the broken link. In emotion-focused coping, you try to make yourself feel better about a situation that you can’t change. You missed your train, and there’s nothing you can do about that except to calm down and try to make the best of it. There’s no one best way to cope. Whichever of the two strategies that is most adaptive depends on whether the situation is changeable or not.
To regulate your emotions means that you need to be aware of them in the first place. Little things going wrong can make you feel angry, sad, frustrated, or even guilty. Figure out which emotion you’re experiencing. It’s only when you know what your emotion is that you can set about changing that emotion. You do this by going one step further back and figuring out what the thought was ,that triggered that emotion. Your anger may stem from the thought that life or the fates are conspiring to ruin your day when that first little thing goes wrong. Perhaps, instead, your sadness comes from the belief that something important is now lost or gone. Your guilt may arise when you blame yourself for being lazy, inefficient or not as productive as you know you can.
Now that you’ve identified the thought and labeled the emotion, you can practice “emotional regulation”. Pay attention to what your body is doing—are your palms sweaty, your heart racing, is oing—are your palms sweaty, your heart racing, or your eyes tearing up? This suggests that your body’s emergency responders are at work—namely, your autonomic nervous system which controls “fight or flight” reactions.
Although your autonomic nervous system is in fact “automatic,” and by definition not under voluntary control, it doesn’t have to dominate your reaction to stress.
Using the rational parts of your central nervous system—namely, your prefrontal cortex (the planning center of the brain)—you can send signals downward to the rest of your body to relax.
Get your breathing under control by forcefully slowing it down. This will also slow your heart rate. Your cortex can also send signals down to the fear center of your brain, the amygdala, and “tell” it to settle down. Emotional regulation is just like the “count to 10” method you’ve heard since you were a kid about how to react when you get angry. We know now from countless studies on emotional regulation (and dysregulation, its opposite) that the best way to control your reactions to stress is to practice this kind of mental self-control.
Once you’ve taken emotions out of the picture, you can tackle the requirements of the stressful situation. You’ll be more likely to remember that, yes, you do have an 800 number to call for tech support to fix that messed up computer. You’ll be able to sort out your strategies to address that annoying email. Whether it’s emotion- or problem-focused coping that the situation demands, your new mental clarity will allow you to find the route.
Stress is an inevitable part of the wear and tear of life, as Hans Selye, the “father” of stress once noted. By controlling your emotions through these deliberate strategies, these inevitable stresses don’t have to take their inevitable toll.
Actually, there’s no answer to that question. When bad events occur, you’re likely to feel powerful & overwhelming feelings of despair or anger and rage. Those feelings often lead people to feel like victims of the unfair or horrible event.
Usually, people who know the victim well, try to help out. They offer solace, support, and advice. The victim feels a bit better with the care and attention of others. And for a while, that reaction sort of works.
Realize that “letting go”of anger and focusing on moving forward doesn’t take anything away from the significance of the bad things that have happened to you.
Moving from victim to coper isn’t easy. But the rewards of leaving the victim role & mentality behind is enormous.
So the next time you feel like a victim to life, remind yourself to vehemently look for effective ways to cope. Neurofeedback works on dysregulated brain waves to help regulate them. It’s an emotional life changer to utilize Neuro in an effective anger management program (neurozonetherapy.com)
I’m not just a therapist, writer, or mom… I am a real human being that struggles with many issues and find it therapeutic to talk & write about it.
Sadly, my anger caused me relationships, friends, family, and jeopardized my productivity at my job. Personally, anger isn’t a ‘bad’ emotion. It can actually help me to be honest or to stand up for something I believe in. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling angry. What matters is how I cope with and express my anger. Taking a PAUSE has really helped me, plus implementing proper Breathing techniques has really helped me to control my anger. I know that if I take a moment to concentrate on my breathing and not my anger, I’ll have something else positive & productive to focus on. I remain a chronic pain warrior, learning day by day to improve myself, my behavior, and integrate all I write.
With ❤️, ☮️ , ➕, 😀,💪🏻